tell your sister to shave her snatch
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
