I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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