I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
