I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
