I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
