I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
