party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
