At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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