At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
