For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Boobs speak an international language.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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