i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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