I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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