Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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