Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
When are your genitals available?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
