did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
