I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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