I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
