I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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