WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
