I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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