I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
