Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
