how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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