loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
