I want to stick my p in your. b.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
