Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
