All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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