she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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