Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
