we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
