All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
