my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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