made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Randomize
