this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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