We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
