I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
