Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
