If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
