I hate your face
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
