Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
