Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
