i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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