Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
