it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you will always have a special place in my vag
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
