i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
