I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
