I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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