I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
