LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
