Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
