I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
