Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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