His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
please don't ironically join a cult
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